i know i know, this update aint spaced out too well but it is what it is, extenuatin circumstances n allat.
im starting to feel like im falling behind to be honest. i know ive said it a couple times, but i really worry that im not getting iSSUE 4 done fast enough. i want to have it completed so i can keep going, and i also sort of like how its turning out so far, but theres just a lot of little things happening that are drawing my attention away from the comic.
the first (and most unimportant) event was i thought i completely fucked up my tablet screen during work. it scraped up against something in my bag and left a bunch of diagonalish scratches along the screen. thankfully i remembered i had a screen protector on it after a couple days, so the tablet itself is fine. but it makes me realize that if i want to continue working away from home im gonna need to find a different solution other than bring my very fragile and expensive (and stationary) tablet everywhere. i dont know how im gonna do that, cuz i cant afford to repair/replace my current tablet if something bad were to ACTUALLY happen to it…
secondly, a lot of the time when somethin is going on in my life i tend to withdraw, partly out of a skeptical (and irrational) fear that things will go ‘worst-case senario’ if i bring them up or hope for otherwise? and with what’s going on rn it’s uh… not good. we’re still not sure how it’s gonna turn out, as hes not going in for surgery til tomorrow. or today technically, i suppose. its really not good, and even tho because i never want to assume the best just in case, its really really not good. its just dawning on me now that my lil brother’s official eagle scout recognition ceremony isnt until earlier next year, and the person in question was really lookin forward to going to it. we dont see him that often since he lives in the deep south and we are on the west coast, so it makes everything else feels even more hopeless i suppose.
three, theres also a element that i worry about too, being related to my medication. i have a tendency to forget to take the daily medication that prevents me from forgetting to take my medication about 1-2 times week. the problem im not too sure if ive been more or less proactive as of recent with said medication, because depending on which is true it could mean 2 very different things:
- i havent been forgetting and have been more consistent, and the medication now no longer works/is starting to have negative side effects
- ive been forgetting more often and have been less consistent, and now im suffering the effects of not taking the medication enough.
i know that sounds really bad, but i can promise its not as bad as it sounds out loud. i don’t have any severe memory issues (let alone minor), and im relatively healthy in general. ive been on different medications for a very long time in relation to adhd, autism (yeah those exist), and unipolar. it feels like im constantly having to switch because of something no longer working or just from getting really bad side effects. its more frustrating than anything tbh. im totally fine and i dont want to worry anyone whatsoever, ive just noticed a lack in motivation as of late in most things, and im used to it happening in general. maybe its just another unipolar low, idk.
i just want to reiterate this though: i dont want any of what im saying right now to have anyone think im looking for something to blame. obviously, its my own fault for not lockin tf in and just pushin along, and no amount of “well actually stuff is-” will or should change that. i think it just sucks rn because im not sure what it is this time. i want to figure it out so i can try to fix it and get back on track, but ive got nothin concrete so far.
for what it’s worth, it could also be a lil bit of just me gettin overwhelmed whenever i open the file and seeing all the incomplete pages. im gonna try by finishing each page at a time since the basic drafts are done. hopefully if i can focus on going page by page, i can build/keep momentum or somethin.
(sneak peak since yeah, its still comin along…)
i wish i had a better ending to this update, some sorta resolution i guess? im still doin everything i can to make this comic happen and get iSSUE 4 out, and im not quittin now lol.
…i need to get back on top of responding to messages/comments both here and elsewhere. my friends are probably wonderin what the holdup is and yall probably think i dont like yall or somethin, which is NOT true. also dw yall im good n everythin, this is not a cry for help i promise /srs
(for the song this time, maybe its bad luck or somethin to use a song like this given the situation, but i’ve always loved Eduardo Mateo’s work, especially with Diane Denoir. Señora Diana La Ví will always be the goat ofc. i learned not too long ago that my family didn’t hold onto my opa and abuelita’s old record collection, only the stuff that was kid-oriented like disney read-along records. so sadly i no longer have a lot of the records i loved and grew up listening, but hey at least we held onto my sister’s Panic at the Disco records and (i kid you not) Walt Disney’s fucking Songs and Stories of Uncle Remus: Brer Rabbit, Brer Fox, and Brer Bear read along book. oh my god. im kinda pissed off ngl but oh well, who needs Javier Solis when you have Song of the South? /s )
