still keepin’ on with another bi-monthly update for y’all!
and uh, things are lookin good so far! for the time being, i’m hesitant to say that iSSUE 2 will be out by january 31st, but i’m still keeping that as my main goal/deadline right now. i might’ve sort-of forgot to take into account that i would need to also complete the speech bubbles/lettering for each page as well, but that shouldn’t take up too much time. to be frank, my speech bubbles are not pretty lookin to begin with, so it isn’t something that will take up too much time. the art is sometimes not the best, but i know i can’t waste time trying to make everything perfect, so i’m leaving it be for now.
what’s really eatin at me is a couple of decisions i have to make pertaining to the script and potential addition of 1-2 pages. to be frank, as stupid as it is, it’s made me question a lot about my own beliefs and what i feel should be said/shown v.s. what is expected of me and how i worry others will perceive me and my work.
just a quick aside, i use the term queer instead of LGBT+, as i feel the latter can be weaponized easier and ostracize others (ie. saying LGB instead of LGBT because you’re transphobic, ect).
to make a long story short, a character who is introduced in this chapter is nonbinary, which isn’t a big deal given there are other genderqueer characters in the story. the character is supposed to pay tribute to someone who i owe it to for their help on the old version of JSRX, and it was their specific wish to have the character be nonbinary.
the problem i’m grappling with is whether or not i want to acknowledge this character’s identity more bluntly due to the fact the story takes place in 2009, OR if i want to leave it unsaid and tackle it later. due to how the rest of the story progresses, the only logical solution is for me to include that story beat now rather than later. including it sooner would also set up other points in the story more fluidly, and make the narrative more cohesive overall.
the reason i’m having issues with including the acknowledgement of nonbinary identities so soon in my comic is because… i’m worried about showing my hand too soon? it’s no secret that i’m queer, i think that’s a pretty obvious observation to make, and yeah yeah, i know it’s cringe. but a part of me worries about it coming off wrong in my writing i suppose.
if it didn’t seem as obvious in the beta version of JSRX, i have a tendency to try and approach queerness in my work with some humor. because yeah, being queer is different, and being different can sometimes be made easier to digest with jokes or comedic misunderstandings, saying the quiet part out loud. however, i sometimes feel like my original portrayal of genderqueer characters might come across as mean spirited or cruel, which was not my intention whatsoever. i think that comes from a place of immaturity with my old writing, it’s hard to fully get on board with the way the jokes were delivered. and because i’m worried about that happening again, i feel like i might accidentally neuter whatever new way i approach the topic within the story and make it no better than cheesy tokenization. i don’t want the characters to all smile and put a thumbs up to the camera and go “yup, because love is love and gender is fluid”. or something akin to that. i know that will never happen, but i do still worry. it doesn’t help that the story takes place in a time where queer identities were less mainstream and/or accepted smh.
i also don’t wanna come across as some tone-deaf loser whos gotta shove queerness into everything all the time. i mean i technically did by including characters who are gay/trans/bi/genderqueer/ect and having that be important to the story (i did the math, it’s about 60% of the og characters), but theres a difference between taking away a characters agency and turning a narrative into feel-good “identity politics” v.s. having characters be queer and acknowledging both the hurdles and triumphs that might come with the territory of their identity. queer joy is real, and so is suffering or whatever, it’s give n take. i think at the end of the day tho i just don’t wanna be perceived as “that” person, which is really disheartening to realize. i feel like it might be related to my own experiences as a person who has to put in a lot of effort to fit in socially, which i know is such first-world problems- :^[
i think typing this out has helped me a bit, i have a feeling i know what i’m gonna do. plus, two extra pages means more story to read, so yay? sorry to drag y’all through this tho lol. and again sorry for all the misunderstandings, as well as my previous work in writing. i’m willing to admit it was kinda ass :^/ and yes, i do overthink things way outta proportion lol, i’m not writing no earth-shattering novel or whatever i’m writing a damn Jet Set Radio Fanfiction oml-
